Serious question. Why do all dogs insist on finding my wife’s or daughter’s underwear and proceed to lick and chew them to death? You disgust me dog.
My kids just now
- Them: What makes us hear?
- Me: Your ears.
- Them: What makes our ears hear?
- Me: You have eardrums that the sounds hit and then a signal goes to your brain and your brain makes sense out of the sound.
- Them: What does our brain do?
- Me: It controls everything in your body.
- Them: What's in my arm? What does my heart do? What makes my fingers point? How do we think? What makes -
- Me: What is this a FUCKING INQUISITION!?
New kid at the bus stop
- Him: Are you part of the neighborhood watch?
- Me: Sure.
- Him: I hate the neighborhood watch?
- Me: Why am I not surprised.
- Him: Because I'm EVIL!
ayyyy how did u get through the holidays. do you have a new years resolution?
My daughter was bit in the face by her Grandma’s dog and my only New Year resolution was use not use the word ‘fuck’ anymore when typing in boxes on the internet. Ah, crap.